2000 Miles from all I know
2006-03-27 - 3:33 a.m.

This song by the ataris speaks volumes to me. I feel like I know exactly what the writer Kris Roe was thinking when he wrote it. Here is a few lines:

I was sick of feeling down
So I gave it all away.
2000 miles from all I know.
So much better off today.

And I'm still waiting for the world
To come crashing down again.
And I'm still waiting for someone
to call me up and tell me "You're dead."
Sometimes I wonder what was going through your head.
Hey I don't know,
But, I won't go there again

When I was 19, I packed up everything I owned into my small little corolla and headed off for Arizona without looking back. I had gotten out of a relationship where my bf thought love equaled control. Moving 1500 plus miles away allowed me to become who I am without the worry about what others would think. I feel like moving to Arizona allowed me to become a better person and really focus on what I want and not what I need to do to make other people happy.

When I lived in Nebraska I was always worried about pleasing people. Always worried about acting like I was happy even if I wasn't. Always concerned with what people were going to think.

And I love how the song talks about waiting for the world to come crashing down again. "waiting for someone to call me up and tell me your dead". It's like even though you have moved 2000 miles away and you've found peace and happiness you still can't forget the shit that lead up to you packing up and never looking back.

And although I have found true peace and happiness in Arizona which is now my home, I still haven't been able to get over the issues that made me move here. I still cannot trust a guy to save my life. I still jump and run from relationships before they even have a chance to form. It's been four years and I've still yet to be able to shake the feeling of knowing the pain its like to have your heart broken. And sure I survived the pain but could I survive it a second time? I will end this entry with my favorite line from the song.

I found clarity the day I took a chance and moved away!

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